There was always that worry that you would say or do something stupid and end up being bullied. Or that someone just took a dislike to you because you were a bit different and again, you ended up bullied.
Now imagine living as a teenager in today's world, and that fear is multiplied times a thousand. Where it's not just at school, but online as well. You could literally be a target of bullies 24/7.
You don't even have to be online at the time, there is always the chance that someone leaves you a comment or message.
I really think it is hard to win as a teenager. There are all the usual things - you are too fat, too thin, not pretty enough, too pretty, too quiet, too loud, too studious - the list goes on.
Now there is also that you're not on the latest social network, you don't have enough followers or friends, someone starts because you didn't follow them back. Again, the possibilities are endless.
But it doesn't stop at one comment. It becomes a constant written assault. Sure you can block them, but they will just set up a new profile.
You could leave the network, but why the hell should you have to? Plus then the bully thinks they've won and they will be even more obnoxious.
The people who hide behind keyboards to bully someone are cowards. Simple as that.
The trouble is, these kids are usually the ones people seem to flock to in case they become the next victim. Also, they only need to make one insult a bit funny and every kid in school is talking about it, and commenting on it, many of them not even thinking they are bullying someone.
Can you imagine how horrible it would be if every time you went on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, your email, or checked your phone there was people making fun of you, and calling you names.
There is no where to go to get away from it and not a lot anyone can do to stop it. Generally, if a parent steps in and comments, the child gets hammered even more. Schools are pretty much powerless to deal with it.
Of course, parents need to step up here. I am not talking about the parents of the victim here.
I have read so many posts about how to monitor kids social media to make sure they aren't the victim of bullying. Of course this is a good thing, and can maybe help stop it, but ultimately, it is the parents of the bullies who need to take action.
No one wants to think their child is a bully, but the fact is, some kids are bullies and those kids have parents (or primary care givers, I use the term parents for simplicity sake, but please understand I mean whoever has a legal responsibility for that child).
Next time you are checking your child's social media for signs they are being bullied or just a general check, check their comments to others too. See what sort of message they are putting out there.
If your child is bullying someone, take responsibility and take action.
Take their computers and phones away if necessary.
Work with the school and the parents of their victims to get it stopped.
Find out the reason they do it (often it is through low self esteem) and try to help them deal with the underlying problem.
It could be that they have jumped on a bandwagon and don't even realise they are victimizing someone.
Not only are you saving your child from being an obnoxious child that no one likes (fear of someone is very different to liking them, even if they have a large social group, how many people really like bullies deep down?), you are saving them from the day they get pick on the wrong person and get a smack in the mouth.
There is a very real danger that the constant torment can lead to victims of bullying becoming withdrawn and depressed and even becoming suicidal.
As the parent of a bully, you don't want that on your conscience or your child's conscience, so if you think your child is a bully, please step in before it becomes too late!
I found this video on YouTube, I have no idea if the boy in it was really in this situation of if it's acted, but either way, it is harrowing to watch, and shows how one little thing can lead to the whole school jumping on the band wagon.
Has you child ever been bullied/been a bully? How did you deal with it? Let me know what you think in the comments :)
It's tough growing up in this digital age. Cyberbullying really started to take off with the rise of Facebook and Bebo when I was 12 or 13, and I don't know many people my age and younger who haven't been cyberbullied now, unfortunately.
ReplyDeleteSchools are getting better and better at dealing with it - when I was at school, they were very much of the attitude of "Well turn your computer off and ignore it then", even though I was having online threats to physically beat me up! They're much better at handling it these days.
Great post. #KCACOLS
I am so glad I got school over before this all started. I think Myspace was kicking about but it was very new and no one really bothered with it then.
DeleteThat's a terrible attitude to bullying, especially when you are being threatened. I'm glad the school's attitudes have changed!
Thank you :)
Even though I'm a blogger I absolutely hate social media for this reason alone, it makes it so easy to bully people and more often than not you can do so on an anon basis. I would be mortified if my son was a bully or if indeed he was bullied, it's such a horrible thing to have to protect him from.
ReplyDeleteI must admit I love social media for myself, but if I had a teenager, I would be very worried! Like you say its so easy to do it anonymously, finding out who's doing it is half the battle. It really is awful and must be a massive worry.
DeleteI couldn't imagine being a child in this day and age, I'd hate everything about being online and it petrifies me when I think about what my children may go through x
ReplyDeleteSame here, I wouldn't want to have to be a teenager in this age. It must be really scary as a parent x
DeleteI can't even imagine being a teenager today. I was bullied when I was in school simply because I was fat. I just thank God that I grew up then and not now because the bullying would've been horrible with the internet and social media. My heart goes out to anyone who is the victim of bullying. I just wish there was something that could be done. Unfortunately, many of the bullies out there have parents who are also bullies too so they aren't going to step in and stop it from happening. Bullies come in all ages. It's a sad social commentary, that's for sure.
ReplyDeleteGood post! And fantastic video.
Michele at Angels Bark
I'm so sorry to hear you were bullied Michele. Me too, but its such a complex thing, that often teens don't tell anyone about until it already gone way too far. That's true as well, often bullies' parents seem to think their behaviour is ok, or they just don't care. Thank you :)
DeleteI find it totally terrifying. I think the internet is such a wonderful thing and I have no idea what we did before it, but it scares me how online bullying could happen to anyone's child and you can't really do that much to avoid. Especially as kids get older and use computers more independently x
ReplyDeleteI'm a massive fan of the internet, but it definitely has its dark side. I agree, there is not much you can do to avoid it, especially as the victims often don't tell anyone its happening x
DeleteIt does worry me as my daughter grows up that this is something she might face. That's a good point that it's not only about helping victims though.
ReplyDeleteI think it must be a constant worry for parents! Thank you :)
DeleteIt worries me so much - as a blogger I know what online pressure can feel like, and I am grown up with thick skin. I just hope my children tell me everything so that I can help them if it happens. Great post. Thanks for linking up, much appreciated :) Jess x
ReplyDelete#sundaystars
It must be terrifying, more so I think when you fully understand how it can feel! That's half of the battle, actually getting kids to open up about it early enough. Thank you and thanks for hosting :) x
DeleteSocial Media has opened up a whole new pathway of bullying. I limit my daughter's use on Social Media and i always talk to her about bullying. I hope with both of my children that they will tell me if something happens. The school my children attend are really hot on Cyber bullying and hold regular whole school assemblies on the subject which i really hope helps. Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday
ReplyDeleteI think a lot of children try to hide these things, but as long as they know they can come to you, its a good start. Its great that the school are taking some preventative measures here! Thanks for hosting, see you next week! :)
DeleteThis is something that really concerns me about parenting because it seems like we still have so much to figure out in terms of managing cyberbullying. Such an important issue and I think more bloggers (and parenting bloggers) should write about it because everybody is affected by it at some point in time. Great post!
ReplyDeleteIt is a huge concern for exactly that reason. A lot of the time, the accounts the bullies use are anonymous - how do you stop that? I agree, this is an important issue and raising awareness is at least a start. It could just stop the kids that don't even think of it as bullying from starting up! Thank you :)
DeleteThe thought of cyber bullying makes me feel ill especially with having a teenager who does go online. its important for blogger to spread the message and hope that this does raise awareness
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine how worrying it must be when you have a teenager! I agree, we do need to raise awareness of this issue!
DeleteI have 2 teenagers who are always on the Internet and worry about the chance if them been bullied on-line. MY 13 year old is currently been bullied at school and has no social media accounts or mobile phone by choice and I am glad as it is bad enough getting bullied at school without him getting bullied at home too on the internet
ReplyDeleteOh Rachel, I am so sorry to hear about your boy being bullied. I really hope you manage to get it resolved! Like you say at least with him not being into social media, it is contained at school, although obviously that's bad enough!
DeleteYes, this is all a big worry for me. In fact as much as I love the internet there are lots of things that worry me about it as a parent. This and other internet concerns are on my (ever growing) list of 'big talks' I intend to have with my tot when he's old enough.
ReplyDelete#anythinggoes
I love the internet for me, but its a scary place for a child! It must be scary bringing up a child in this day and age, there are so many worries!
DeleteMy heart goes out to all the children who deal with bullying on a daily basis. I was bullied as a kid by one of my neighbors, and I'll never forget how incredibly helpless and sad I felt. I like the point you made about how parents should check their kids' social media interactions for negative comments from bullies as well as monitor whether their children are bullying. Like you said, it's easy to step on the bandwagon, and parents shouldn't assume that their children aren't capable of bullying. #AnythingGoes
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear you were bullied, it must be so awful to be made to feel that way.
DeleteI think its important for parents to make sure their kid isn't a bully, because sometimes, I think they jump in without even realising they are a bully!
My 8 year old actually got really mad at someone for posting something negative about one of his favorite Youtubers. Well, he watches youtube under my account so when he made a mean comment back, I got the message and I sat him down and had a talk with him. He's 8 so he doesn't really get that just because someone has a different opinion doesn't mean you get to say something mean. It was a long discussion we had but after he understood. I also told him he is not allowed to post anymore comments unless I'm there to monitor what he says. Neither of my kids have social media accounts. My teenager has asked but I have said no. I don't care if other kids his age have social media. I'm not their mother, I'm his and with his Autism, I have to protect him from online predators and bullies. I had experiences with bullies and I absolutely Hate them but I hate that parents don't even seem to try to take responsibility for their kids. Teenagers need guidance just as much as younger ones do. It seems like once the kids today become teenagers, the parents just check out. I'm all for respecting your child's privacy but I'm also about raising decent human beings and that means teaching them right from wrong. This is a great post Debbie. Not many people write a post about bullying addressing the parents of the bullies. Thanks for writing this!
ReplyDelete#anythinggoes
Its good that you addressed this early so he doesn't think its ok to do that again. At that age, there is probably no malice in it, but the person receiving the comments thinks they are from a grown up so they might respond pretty harshly.
DeleteI hate that when parents just stop parenting once the kids hit their teens. If anything, they need more support and guidance at this age.
Thank you :) I just feel there's a lot of advice for parents who's kids get bullied on how to stop it, but its the parents of the potential bully who has the real chance to stop it before it gets started!
I believe in being proactive with my kids. I believe whole-heartedly that if you do something wrong, you own up to it. I strive to teach my kids to take responsibility for their actions. They aren't responsible for everyone else's and I teach them that they can't control someone else's behavior but they can control their and are responsible for their own actions. Thank you Debbie
DeleteI love that way of thinking - just because someone else does something, doesn't make it right! :)
DeleteBullying is doing my head in at the minute. my daughter came home crying yet again after being bullied. It is heartbreaking and makes me so cross and mad and sad all at once. I need to really figure out a good way to deal with this as it's not acceptable and it does have a negative impact on the victim!
ReplyDeleteANgela
There is a kid at my younger son's school who is mean to every kid he comes into contact with. My son doesn't get along with him and will come home telling me he's being bullied but the problem is this kid has a lot of social-emotional issues that the school is working hard to correct. He's in a program with my son actually, for children who have social-emotional issues. My son has ADHD and mild anxiety but this kid has a lot more going on. It puts me in a spot. I talk to the director of the program. She's really great and I do believe that keeping an open communication with the school is key but I am also aware that not all schools like to cooperate with parents. That's my only advice I have for you though
DeleteIt must be heart breaking as a parent to see their child go through that. Have the school made any effort to involve the bully's parents?
DeleteIt's also some of the stupid stuff that goes on like people screenshotting status updates so they can send them to people who have been blocked. I know that happened with one of my sisters. She started going out with a boy and her ex-boyfriend's friends all started commenting on her Facebook and trying to tag her ex (which didn't work because he was blocked) and then took screenshots of photos of her new boyfriend to send to her ex. It's all so ridiculously immature but it does mean kids now just aren't safe from bullying anywhere.
ReplyDeleteIt's ridiculous the lengths some people will go to stir trouble up for others. I hope your sister got it sorted
DeleteThis is such an excellent post - you're right, we all really need to be aware and discuss this with our kids. Bullying really disturbs me and online bullying can be even worse because there's no escape from it. My eldest daughter, who is 20 now, experienced some online bullying for a short time when she was in school. She made her own video speaking out which I thought was amazing.I always emphasize kindness and the 'walk a mile in my shoes' principle.
ReplyDeleteThank you :) I love your daughter's response to it. Its the kind of thing that can make people on the side lines see how bad they are making someone feel and realise actually its not funny. I'm a live and let live type - if you don't like someone, just don't hang around them, you don't have to make their life hell!
DeleteIt's a minefield. Good to point out that people should check for evidence of their children bullying others too - as people do tend to just focus on the idea of their kids being bullied. Someone has to be the parents of the bullies!
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, I think the answer is that children should not be on social media. There is evidence to suggest that it is very damaging to the development of their personalities. It encourages people to base their sense of self on the opinions of relative strangers, which is not good for anyone. But for children, whose sense of who they are is not fully developed, in can irrevocably damage how their personalities form, how stable their emotions are, how strong their self esteem is. They will be more likely to play out their whole lives like a drama over social media, and depend upon what people online say to tell them how to feel about themselves. & that isn't healthy. I think social media can be nice & it can be fun, but it depends on how you use it & how significant you let it be to who you actually are and your private life. People need to have a strong sense of who they are and some confidence before they can withstand social media, I think, & children don't have that. However, even saying children should just not be on it is easier said than done. I intend to try that approach, but I realise it will be hard if all the other kids are on it, as mine won't want to be left out. (This is part of why I don't use photos or personal details of my kids online, and apart from rare vague references to 'the kids' in the context of something else, my children have never appeared on, or been mentioned on, my personal facebook. Because I think it will be easier to justify that I am not going to let them use it if I haven't been putting them all over mine for years - how can I show them the importance of keeping their privacy, if I haven't kept them private? May be a bit off topic now!) #anythinggoes
I actually hadn't thought about how reliant teenagers can become on getting online approval, but after reading your comment I totally agree.
DeleteI think it will be hard to stop children having a social media account, because that then opens the door for them to feel left out of group chats and not be included in plans, although I think real friends would make the effort to call or text them the details.
That's a good point, it would be hard to tell a child that they can't be on social media if they are all over yours!
Great advice about checking to see what your kid is writing as well as what is being directed at them. We ran into this with our oldest. There were times when she wasn't "starting it", but that didn't make any of her responses and counter attacks any more appropriate.
ReplyDeleteThank you :) I'm glad you managed to catch it and hopefully stop it before it got out of hand.
DeleteSocial Media can be vicious I hope when my daughter grows up this cyber bullying will a thing in the past. I think people get out of control online because you cannot see them physically #AnythingGoes
ReplyDeleteI agree, it is easy to insult others when that person has no idea who you are to confront you about it!
DeleteIt's such a frightening thought. Especially when the kids are in secondary school & the whole social media bullying side can kick in. I think you make an excellent point that all parents should be monitoring their children's phones & online activity to make sure they aren't being bullied AND that they aren't bullying others. #AnythingGoes x
ReplyDeleteIt is, I can't imagine how horrible it would be to have no where to escape if you were bullied. Thank you :) x
DeleteWhen did the world become such a mean place? This is such a relevant and current topic. As the mom of a teen and a tween I feel like I have been thrust into something that is huge and scary. I keep the lines of communication open and well used, we discuss online etiquette OFTEN, not giving out private information, not meeting up with people you've met online, people you've met online may not be who they say they are. It means telling our beautiful and innocent little ones that not everyone in the world is good but also reminding them that not everyone is bad. #AnythingGoes
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you discuss this with your children, its such a shame it has to be said. I think it is hard to find the balance between warning a child of the potential dangers and scaring them to the point they hardly dare speak to anyone. Thank you :)
DeleteMy kids are still too young for this, however, this starts to worry me because cyber bullying might get worst when their time comes if this won't be stopped and controlled as early as now. Thanks for sharing! #AnythingGoes
ReplyDeleteThat's true, if it doesn't get stopped now, it will just get worse!
DeleteThis absolutely terrifies me for my children. I guess in a way that we ourselves as bloggers can often become victims of online bullying from trolls but most of us are able to brush it off. Why hide behind a keyboard? Fab post Debbie very thought-provoking.
ReplyDeleteYes, that's true, but I think as bloggers we all take trolls with a massive pinch of salt. Being a teenager, it isn't as easy to do, especially when the troll is someone they know and it spills into everyday life. Thank you :)
DeleteSeriously dread to think what it is like for a teenager nowadays exposed to social media. I think as long as there's awareness, such as this post, and some parental limitations, the Internet and social networking can be useful, informative and enjoyable :) #anythinggoes xx
ReplyDeleteI would hate to be a teenager in this day! I agree, I enjoy social media a lot and it is and should be fun. It's just a shame some people have to spoil it for others x
DeleteIt is so hard anymore as a teen. There are so many more decisions to make, and the internet has a lot to do with it. I feel so much for those who are bullied, it is such a lonely place to be. Our son was bullied at 2 different schools, induced by the teachers in comments to the students who then carried out the bullying. We had to removed him from the schools and he lost friends and familiarity of all he knew. He had to start over each time and it has followed him his whole life. Bullying is sad, no matter where it comes from.
ReplyDeleteOh wow, what a horrible thing for him to go through! It's shocking when the teachers are the instigators. Even if they didn't intend for it to get out of hand, they should be aware that their words will stay with children and that some children are just looking for an excuse to bully others. I hope your son has been able to move on from this experience.
DeleteThank you so much for sharing your post with us at the #AnythingGoes Link Party! The new party goes live today at 6 PM ET.
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome and thanks for hosting, see you there! :)
DeleteBullying in all it's forms is awful, and causes so much pain to those involved
ReplyDelete#AnythingGoes
I totally agree!
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