Thursday 17 September 2015

Sex Before Marriage: Why I Chose Not To Wait

Sex Before Marriage: Why I Chose Not To Wait
Sex before marriage. Should you? Shouldn't you?

I think it is a personal choice, and you should do (or not do) whatever feels right for you.

I think the main advantages to waiting are:

1. Assuming you both believe in waiting, there is very little risk of STDs (I say very little as obviously, there is still a small chance one of you could have HIV).

2. There is no chance of having a baby outside of marriage if you are religious and this is important to you.

3. I think knowing this is something you have only ever done with each other would make sex more special somehow (although that could just be romanticising the idea!).

I think the main disadvantages are:

1. What if you never get married!

2. What if you find you aren't sexually compatible. Marriage is a much bigger commitment than buying a car, and you certainly wouldn't buy a car with taking it on a test run right!

3. I think your wedding day is already a big amount of pressure. If you add to that loosing your virginity, its enough to send you over the edge!

4. It would be such an anti-climax. Your first time isn't fun (or at least I don't know anyone who says it was for them). It's not a movie. The first time is awkward, fumbley and something you just want to forget for the most part. That's not what I would want my wedding night to be like. I think you need to practice on a few Mr Wrongs before hand, so when you do find Mr Right, sex is good!

5. By far the most important one for me, is that I honestly think by waiting until you are married, you are so much more likely to rush into marriage.

I realise the disadvantage list is longer than the advantage list, but if this list was written by someone who had chosen to hold off, they would probably have a lot more advantages that I haven't thought of.

Actually though, none of the points on my disadvantage list are why I chose not to wait.

So why did I choose not to wait?

I don't see myself ever getting married. It's not that I don't believe in marriage. I do. If money was no object, I think it is something I would want to do. Until that time though, I just feel that with weddings being so expensive, there are lots of better things I could do with that amount of money. I don't need a piece of paper to tell me I love someone. I guess that could change though if I met "the one". So if I waited until after marriage, there's a fair chance I'd be waiting my entire life.

The strange thing is, when I came up with the idea of writing this post, I stopped to think about why I hadn't waited. Some of the points on the disadvantage list made cameos, but the main reason was the one stated above that I can't see me ever getting married.

As I was writing this post it occurred to me that they are all reasons I have thought up after the event due only to this post.

When I really think back, the true answer to why I didn't wait is that it didn't even enter my head that it was an option.

As an atheist, I had no religious reason to wait, and it would never have occurred to me that people wait for non-religious reasons.

So I guess the true answer to why I chose not to wait is that I didn't consider it as an option. If I had, I still don't think I would have waited though, and that is for the reasons stated above.

Did you wait/not wait? Why? Let me know in the comments :)

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22 comments:

  1. Great and very sensible post Debbie...it never ever entered my head to wait I had always presume the primary reason was a religious one...#TheList

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    1. Thank you :) I think a lot of people who choose to wait are religious but some aren't.

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  2. It never really occurred to me to wait, I just knew I wanted it to be with someone special. Like Tayla I had always assumed the reason to wait to be a religious one #momsterlinkup

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    1. Yes, I definitely think its worth waiting for someone special :)

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  3. Interesting post as usual.
    I would be gobsmacked if anyone actually comments and says yes they waited or are waiting !!
    Life is too short to wait for anything :)

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    1. Thank you :) I agree but I think it would be really interesting to hear the views of someone who did wait!

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  4. If my parents are reading I totally waited :) I know people in both camps and I'll be honest based entirely on my small, completely unscientific study the waiters were happier with their decision. Having said that I recently heard that the thing most people regret towards the end of their life is having too little sex or too few sexual partners!

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    1. Lol, if your parents ask I will back that up :) So maybe short term they are happier and long term they will have regrets!

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  5. I agree with you! obviously it's personal choice and i respect others decisions but for me, i did it when i felt ready and yes you're right it was really awkward but i'm still friends with the man i lost my virginity to haha x

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    1. Yeah I think as long as you wait until you feel ready that's enough. It's great that you two are still friends :) x

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  6. I think it's a personal choice inded. My husban and I were each other's first partners, but it wasn't because we chose to wait. It just happened this way. I do definitely feel that having sex for the first time on your wedding night is a big pressure.

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    1. That's got to be a good way for it to work out, when you end up marrying your first. When it is unplanned that takes all the added pressure away!

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  7. Personally, I didn't wait until I was married but I did wait until I had met the person that I was going to marry. I have to be in a serious relationship first as it is something very special to me.

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    1. I think its sweet when the guy you lose it with ends up being the guy you marry. Its like a fairy tale :)

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  8. It is personal but for me to honest I sex is such a large part of relationships that I needed to make sure we were compatible before we committed to marriage. We are and 20 years later - we are still going strong. Mel xx #momsterslink

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    1. Same here. It would be hard to make a marriage work if there is no chemistry! x

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  9. I agree with you....I wouldn't buy a car without test driving it first. I think that being compatible in the bedroom is very important for a healthy relationship. Thanks for sharing with #momsterslink.

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    1. Me too! I don't think sex is the be all and end of all of a relationship, but I do think its an important part and not being compatible isn't easy to overcome! Thanks for hosting :)

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  10. I totally waited... OK no I didn't, I could resist! My family is religious and there was definitely some waiting going on there, but not for me. I'm sure it was probably a big deal at the time but I can't even remember the thought process now! Thanks for linking up to #TheList xxx

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    1. You had me for a minute there lol :) I think the longer you wait the bigger deal it becomes! Thanks for hosting :) x

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  11. Fab post. I didn't choose to wait. I do have religious views too. I think the truth is what you said, it didn't seem to be an option. Every relationship I have entered it seems to be more of a connective point that concretes a relationships strength.
    Although I have been married I haven't had a relationship that's lasted. So if I went with choosing not to the potential is that I might not have had sex at all.
    Would I wait now though? Probably not for the reasons I said before. I believe you have to have a full relationship in all forms to make it and definitely don't want it to be an anti climax #bigfatlinky

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    1. Thank you :) I agree that sex makes the relationship's connection stronger. I think if you never have sex, you're more like really good friends who socialize together a lot.
      I like to wait until I know a person reasonably well, but i would want to know them a lot better than that to consider marrying them. Thanks for hosting :)

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