If you haven't had chance to visit Janet's blog yet, here is a little about her:
And now for Janet's post, I hope you all enjoy it!Janet Cooper is a graduate of English and Creative Writing BA (Hons) and is currently studying an MA in English Studies. She currently runs her own business as a freelance and online Tutor/Assessor, but hopes to become an English Lecturer or work in a role that utilises the creative element of her degree. She is a published writer and has other publications currently on the horizon. She is a keen blogger and social networker, and was appointed as the Copywriting Team Leader for Spectral Visions Press in January 2015.
Let’s Talk About Sex… After (natural) Childbirth
The thought of sex after the birth
of your first child can be a very daunting, even scary, prospect. There are a lot of worries surrounding this
delicate topic, for instance you might be concerned that you are not the same
down below, or that it will feel different for your partner (not as good for
instance), or that it will be uncomfortable.
The fact that this isn’t an ideal topic of conversation also makes it a
very isolating issue. Some are
comfortable discussing their concerns or trying to find out what is ‘normal’ –
if there is a normal that is, but others are private and don’t feel this is
something they can discuss. I am here to
share my own experience after giving birth on three occasions – let’s break the
stigma, let’s talk about sex AFTER childbirth.
The truth is, you don’t need to worry and
you are not alone!
I imagine that it is different for
everyone and obviously I am only able to discuss this from my own personal
experience and view point. After a
natural childbirth bleeding for several weeks is common and for me, one of the
main issues was that I didn’t feel fully clean and fresh. When you choose to have sex for the first
time, it should be a personal choice and decisions often relate to the
heaviness of the bleed, whether you feel up-to-it, and whether the birth was
traumatising too. I always made sure that
I felt ready, that I was prepared, especially after my first child. Don’t forget that there are other ways of
being close to your partner, and your partner will want you to be comfortable –
the chances are they will not want to make you uncomfortable.
My partner and I are really close,
we are good friends and it’s simple, we talk about everything. We have a mutual respect for one another and
can talk about anything. Talking through
my worries helped and we agreed to try when I was ready and he said ‘tell me to stop if it’s uncomfortable’. He completely put my mind at ease by being
gentle, and asking if ‘it’ was OK. Knowing
that he took my feelings into account and cared enough to put me in control was
reassuring. After my first child, it was
strange using a condom whilst the contraceptive pill kicked in but to be
honest, that was the only thing I found strange – there was no pain and I had
worried over nothing!
Don’t put pressure on yourself – give
yourself a break!
I have heard others say that they
lost their sex drive after childbirth, and this can also be perfectly
normal. We are all different and some
need more time than others. You have
squeezed a baby out of a tiny hole – I mean jeez, if you don’t feel like sex
for a while just give yourself time. You
are also adapting to parenthood and it’s hard work! Give yourself a break and don’t worry about
it. If you do find it becomes a problem
then seek medical advice. A lower sex
drive can happen due to worrying and tiredness so don’t give yourself a hard
time. Make time to resume intimacy – kiss
and cuddle with your partner, and relax.
Everything doesn’t have to be about sex and it may just be that you feel
distant due to this new addition in your life, so get the closeness back and
spend time together and it might just happen – you don’t need to plan it
(although you may get disturbed now you have a child lol).
This is all strange for your partner too, so
talking can really help. Remember to
consider your partner’s feelings too, and they could be just as nervous as you
are!
Just to put the ‘hurting’ theory to
rest, my first try at sex after all three of my children – it did not
hurt. I’ve never needed stitches so it
may be different for those who have, they might need longer to heal. I do think that I personally worried with my
first child as I tore slightly, not enough to need stitches but after
childbirth urinating can sting, and anything else feels like your insides are
falling out and I think that these being uncomfortable experiences is the
foundation for this worrying ‘if it hurts
when I go to the toiler initially, how the hell is sex going to feel?’ If you have had a traumatic time during
childbirth, this could also contribute to the angst too but again, move at your
own pace.
If you do find it uncomfortable I
would seriously suggest talking to your doctor or nurse. Obviously, you feel different down there and
you must keep up with your pelvic floor exercises to strengthen your bladder
but most of us return to almost our previous selves pretty quickly. Again if you are experiencing issues you
should certainly talk to your doctor or nurse.
Remember contraception can change
the way sex feels too, so it may not be down to the effects of giving birth
after all – condoms, if you aren’t used to using it as you have been trying for
a baby, can make sex seem not as pleasant as it isn’t skin-to-skin
contact.
My Top Five Tips for Having Sex after Childbirth for the First Time
1.
Only attempt sex when you are ready – don’t feel
pressured into it!
2.
Try to relax – take a bath before and after and
create a relaxing atmosphere (candles, music, whatever is needed)
3.
Talk through your worries with your partner –
what’s a relationship without honesty?
Talk to your partner – they love and respect you, and you show trust by
confiding in them. It’s a mutual thing!
4.
Start off slow, spend time together snuggling, and
then see what happens. Have plenty of
foreplay, and only continue if YOU are comfortable. Remember to allow yourself plenty of time to ease
into it.
5.
Don’t be afraid to consult a health professional
about any concerns – that’s what they’re there for.
You may have had totally different experiences to me, and if you are brave enough to share then please comment below. Tell us, was it painful for you? What did you do? Did you worry? How did you overcome your fears? Maybe you had a caesarean section – what did that mean for sex after child birth for you? My three births were all natural, and pretty straight forward so it would be great to have a different perspective, so don’t be shy!
Laters,
Janet
Time to show Janet some love! Visit her blog, and website, and follow her on Twitter and Linkedin. And don't forget to leave her some comments below!
What a brilliant blog post. I actually wish that people would talk about sex after c section. After my first traumatic emergency birth I did not expect sex to be painful & it was :( actually it took about 4 months until it was ok. I was prepared for this the second time around and we took things at at more leisurely pace. But I honestly thought as I hadn't had s normal delivery it would be fine as no one talks about it. Thanks for sharing this post xx
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your experience too Laura :) I would have thought exactly the same as you, it would be really helpful if more people where willing to open up about it!
DeleteWell, this has to be the first post about this I've read after knocking about the parenting blogging scene for about a year! (I could have clicked on the wrong links though!) Well done to the pair of you :)
ReplyDeleteThank you :) When I decided to cover this month's theme, it was one of the things I realised I had never read a post about either, which I found quite surprising. Obviously not having any children myself, I wasn't in a position to write about it so I asked Janet if she would be willing to share her experiences.
DeleteGreat post Janet! I wrote about my experience of sex after giving birth and it's one of my most visited articles to this day (definitely top 10), which shows it's something people want to know but don't necessarily talk about. I'm a wee bit embarrassed about it now I read it back - I was totally honest!! I blame the newborn haze. Long story short I had an episiotomy and it definitely hurt a bit but it was nice all the same :) thanks for linking up to #TheList xx
ReplyDeleteI think its very brave of you and Janet to talk about this. I think it's something new mums are wanting information on from people who have done it rather than medical leaflets. Honesty is a good thing! :) Thanks for hosting x
DeleteHi thanks for sharinng this
ReplyDelete