Gender Roles In Relationships

Women fought for years to have equal rights. The right to vote, the right to work for a fair salary and the right to work in a male dominated environment.

Along with that, women fought to no longer be the "good little housewife". Women no longer wanted to be the fairer sex, the weaker sex, the homemaker. They wanted to be doctors, lawyers, fighter pilots.

They wanted equality in relationships, to have an equal voice. To be respected rather than protected. To be taken seriously rather than patronised. To be able to be more than just a wife, to have their own identity.

In short, women fought for the right to choose. And, for the most part, we got it!

As a modern, independent woman who believes in equality (I struggle to use the term feminist), I sometimes feel like it can be a double edged sword.

Now, it appears that women somehow think they are "letting the side down" if they choose not to work. Surely the whole point in fighting for equality was to give us the right to choose.

If a woman chooses to be a stay at home mother, or a house wife, is she really letting the side down? Personally, I don't think so. I think choosing this path is, in itself, holding the side up as much as choosing to be a career woman.

That housewife who is frowned upon for letting down her gender, and told women fought for her right to be more than a housewife, is actually a woman comfortable to make the choice to live life her own way. To say this is what I want and I'm dam well going to do to it! I say good on her.

I sometimes think it would be nice to have days where you don't have to be strong, and fighting for the cause. Some days, it would be nice if your biggest worry was whether or not your husband's tea was on the table on time. It would be nice sometimes, to be able to let someone else do the worrying about finances etc, to be kept in the dark and told everything would be ok. And to be able to believe it, and let your partner deal with it without feeling like a failure as a woman.

Obviously, some of that last paragraph was a little tongue in cheek, but I do think that having traditional gender roles in a relationship can work, as can the opposite, and everything in between. I think it is down to the two people in the relationship to adopt the roles that feel right for them. If that means the woman has a career, while her husband stays at home, then great. If it's the other way round, also great. Or you might both choose to work.

I don't honestly know which role I would want. Some days, I feel like it would be nice to let someone else do all the worrying and budgeting, other days I would be perfectly happy to be the one doing it. Either way, it's good to know that whatever I chose to do I actually wouldn't be letting the side down. I would be saying I have made a choice and this is it!

What do you think? Do you ever miss more traditional roles in relationships? Do you feel like you are somehow letting the side down if you don't have a high flying career? Let me know in the comments :)

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Ireland: Leading The Way Into Equality For All

Go Ireland !

Today's post was supposed to be the second part of the Desert Island Favourites mini themes, but there is no way I can ignore what happened in Ireland today.
If you somehow missed it, Ireland are the first country to hold a country wide vote on whether or not to legalise gay marriage.
The Irish people have spoken, and gay marriage is now legal in Ireland - to the people of Ireland, I salute you!
Today is about more than gay marriage - it's about acceptance.
Today is the day that the people of a nation stood together as one and said "It's ok to be different, we, as a nation accept you".
Today is the day that the Irish people told the world "We believe in love above all else. And all love is equal and real, and deserves to be recognised."
Today is the day that a majority Catholic nation stood together and said "Love trumps religion."
Today is the day Ireland proved they truly believe in equality.
Today is the day Ireland showed the rest of the world the way forward.
I sincerely hope that what happened in Ireland today starts a world wide trend. That it makes other countries sit up and take notice. That it touches people across the globe, and makes it possible for other countries to get on board.
I would like to say a massive well done to each and every person who voted "Yes" today. You have truly made a huge positive difference to the country you live in, and you should all be very proud of yourselves and your fellow voters.

By the time this post goes live, I realise everywhere I have said today, it was actually yesterday, but I hope you all still get the points I am trying to make.

Follow me on Twitter @randommusings29 and feel free to comment :)

Why I Still Can't Get Onboard With Feminism

Feminism has always been a bit of a grey area for me. I want to identify as a feminist, I really do, but something always stops me getting fully onboard. I've been thinking about this a lot lately, so I thought I would share my thoughts with you all.
A couple of weeks back, I wrote this post:  http://myrandommusings.blogspot.co.uk/2015/04/feminism-not-for-me-1st-april-2015.html 
Since then, I have read a lot of feminist articles and blog posts, and I have, in the most part, enjoyed them. I have found myself nodding along with the points they raise. I realise some of the points I made in my original post were based more on the stereotype of feminism, rather than actual feminists. I have also learned that being a feminist, for the majority of people actually isn't about man hating, it's about equality, and who wouldn't want that?

How I see feminism

Thankfully, I think feminism has moved on massively from the days of Germaine Greer and her statements like "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle". I understand what she was trying to say, women can be independent. We don't need men to support us financially or make our decisions for us.
I do think it was worded horrifically though. The wording undermines the whole theory of feminism. If feminists are truly striving for equality they must accept that woman do need men - in the same way they need women, and the same way men need both men and women. We are, by nature, social creatures - we need other people and men are people too!

What I like about feminism





* I want equality, obviously, especially in the work place. If a woman works the same hours, at the same job, with the same qualifications as a male colleague, its a no brainer she should be receiving the same salary.
*I would like to be viewed as a person with a functioning brain who has opinions, ambitions and can do whatever I want to with my life, even if that means not wanting the 2.4 children and a dog lifestyle. I don't want to be viewed as the "silly little woman" who's only goal in life is to get married and iron her husbands shirts!
*I want my views to be taken as seriously as a man. I don't want to be patted on the head metaphorically, and certainly not literally!

What I dislike about feminism

*The word itself - I think a lot of people still view it as a code for man hater





*The double standards. If we want equality, it has to work both ways. You can't moan that you don't get taken seriously, then flutter your eyelashes when it suits you.

If that was the end of it, I could identify myself as a feminist easily, or more truthfully, an equalitist, but being as how that isn't actually a word, feminist would be close! But like many great things, that isn't the end of it. There is another side to it, and it is the below that makes me struggle with feminism as a concept.

The "Sisterhood" and double standards

The sisterhood just doesn't exist outside of the feminist community.
In my experience, woman are worse than men for putting each other down. Obviously, the examples I give below aren't true of every woman, a lot of women do support and celebrate each other, but these examples crop up all too often. 
1. Women slut shame other women.
2. When a woman walks by in a short skirt, or a low cut top, it's other women that hiss "tramp" under their breath.
3. And heaven forbid another woman is doing well for herself - then the claws really come out!
These examples are from snippets of conversations between various women I overheard while out and about in one day! Surely then, this is only the tip of the ice berg.
It also bothers me that women don't like to be objectified, but are perfectly ok with objectifying men. Go into any busy pub on a Saturday night. I will be amazed if you don't find several groups of women comparing size/shape of their men's penises. And once the drink starts flowing, I would also be amazed if you don't hear comments like "look at the ass on that" and even so bad as "I'd give him one" from women as a man passes them. As a bartender, I have heard those (and much worse) comments from women way too often!
I can't stand double standards and yet women seem to accept this behaviour from other women without comment, but raise holy hell if a man acts in the same manner.

In conclusion

In conclusion, I think if we, as women, spent less time focusing on the problems we perceive men to have with women and more time spent on fixing our own problems with other women, it would be time well spent. I think then I could truly identify as a feminist! And who knows, maybe when we stop giving men permission to treat us like sexual objects to be judged (because let's face while women are treating each other this way, that is what we are doing), maybe they will think twice before making an inappropriate comment towards a woman.

What do you think? Are you a feminist? Are you a man that's sick of being stereotyped?

Follow me on Twitter @randommusings29 and feel free to comment :)